There it is again. That feeling like she can't breathe; Kanade's pretty sure she can feel her lungs stop working at those words. Everything else seems to fall away... or maybe the words are jumping out at her.
It's nothing she hasn't told herself before, but... it hurts to see them now. Coming from someone she trusted. Someone who called her a friend. And Kanade, spiraling as she is in the despair that had been kept at bay thanks to her friends back home, can only assume she did something to hurt Makima, to cause her to say that.
There's something else, too. Something at the back of her neck; a quick nip of ice. If she'd had her feet on more solid ground, she might notice how familiar it feels. But right now... she can't really feel anything other than the numb buzzing that's taken her over since the world came crumbling down around them. It's clogging up her ears, her head... making all of her senses feel so dull...]
i know what i've done is unforgivable
but i just want to try
[It's the only thing she had left to live for, before her friends. But without them here...]
i'm sorry, makima-san
cw: abusive dynamics, gaslighting, instigating suicide (up there, too 😔)
[ makima doesn’t have to know the gritty details of the girl’s guilt to get into her head; kanade fills in the blanks for her, a job well done, and quite the punishment for being so selfish and broken.
makima too, was being selfish and cruel, but her nature, her demonic lean into suffering— she just can’t help it. kanade doesn’t know what’s best for her, either. this will help just right in embedding it into her memory. she’ll never forget this feeling.
she’ll never forget her. ]
It’s alright. I forgive you, Kanade. Not only are you trying to save so many people, you’re trying to save yourself. It’s the only way to make it stop hurting so much, isn’t it?
[Ha... she's not sure if that ache will ever truly go away. Even if her father recovered, in both body and mind, even if he says he forgave her... that memory will always be there. She'll never be able to forget seeing him collapsed on the floor of his room. And because of that, her guilt will never really subside.]
i don't know but it's the only thing i can think of
[...]
if if things aren't permanent and we all come back i'll let you know if i was brought back with everyone else
[ in the meantime, makima brings herself to the ruins and overgrowth of what used to be the park. perhaps the most untouched compared to the rest of bavan, with its buildings and architecture. it's a little ugly, but it's quiet, and peaceful out here. no one really brings themselves to walk about in the open, but makima does— and she looks like she's been on a completely different plain. her slacks, button-down shirt and long black trench coat are flawless.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cw: suicidal ideation
There it is again. That feeling like she can't breathe; Kanade's pretty sure she can feel her lungs stop working at those words. Everything else seems to fall away... or maybe the words are jumping out at her.
It's nothing she hasn't told herself before, but... it hurts to see them now. Coming from someone she trusted. Someone who called her a friend. And Kanade, spiraling as she is in the despair that had been kept at bay thanks to her friends back home, can only assume she did something to hurt Makima, to cause her to say that.
There's something else, too. Something at the back of her neck; a quick nip of ice. If she'd had her feet on more solid ground, she might notice how familiar it feels. But right now... she can't really feel anything other than the numb buzzing that's taken her over since the world came crumbling down around them. It's clogging up her ears, her head... making all of her senses feel so dull...]
i know
what i've done is unforgivable
but i just
want to try
[It's the only thing she had left to live for, before her friends. But without them here...]
i'm
sorry, makima-san
cw: abusive dynamics, gaslighting, instigating suicide (up there, too 😔)
makima too, was being selfish and cruel, but her nature, her demonic lean into suffering— she just can’t help it. kanade doesn’t know what’s best for her, either. this will help just right in embedding it into her memory. she’ll never forget this feeling.
she’ll never forget her. ]
It’s alright. I forgive you, Kanade.
Not only are you trying to save so many people, you’re trying to save yourself. It’s the only way to make it stop hurting so much, isn’t it?
But as much as I dislike it, I understand.
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i don't know
but it's the only thing i can think of
[...]
if
if things aren't permanent
and we all come back
i'll let you know if i was brought back with everyone else
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Before you bid me farewell, I’d like to see you. Will you make yourself available for me, one more time?
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[It's the least she could do, after all.]
is there a safe spot that would be good to meet up at?
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that's one of the gods here, isn't it?
i'm afraid i don't know where it is...
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Are you far from where the apartments used to be?
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um
there's a small park a few blocks away that wasn't damaged too badly
and it's easy enough to hide...
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Meet me there, then.
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i'll look for one
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she's even showered. ]